I love you Conor Driscol
by mixed up mess
Summary: I know that laugh, I thought. Not knowing as in hearing it from the week before, but knowing it as if it was your favourite laugh.  From another life.
1. Trailer

_**I love you Conor Driscol**_

_**Trailer**_

_Dear Conor,_

_You told me that you could never love anything more than you loved surfing.  
If anyone else had told me that, I would have laughed in their face and told them that it was pathetic.  
But it wasn't anyone else, it was you. And that made a world of difference._

_Some people said we met because of fate, or karma or whatever other uncontrollable force they could think of.  
I like to think we met because everyone deserves a reason to get up in the morning, and before this summer, I didn't have one._

_You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you when summer ends. I'll miss everything about you from your eyes, to your smile, to the way your hair curves to fit your jaw line._

_I'm definite that I'll never have the courage to give this to you, but just in case I finally do, I love you Conor Driscol._


	2. Don't pretend nothing's wrong with me

**Don't pretend there's nothing wrong with me**

"Just fuck off Jas." I spat, running my hands through my wavy black hair.  
"Whatever," He retorted, "I was leaving anyway."  
"Good." I threw my hands up in annoyance, then walked into my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I heard a soft knock on the door, then rolled my eyes.  
"Natalie," He whispered, and I sighed.  
"Give me some time to cool off, kay?" I pushed past him, out the door, and onto the rough beach, striding quickly down the wet sand, ignoring the calls of my brother.  
After a while, when my legs began to hurt, I sat down, focusing my blue eyes on the rise and fall of the steady waves, not caring as my vision was blurred by tears.  
"Hey, you okay?" I turned round to see a guy holding a red surfboard staring down at me. He was drop dead gorgeous, in a kind of surfer way. His eyes were a piercing shade of green, and his hair arced round below his ears, and the front was swept into a side fringe. He was tallish and slim, but not too skinny.  
"Never been better," I whispered sarcastically, wiping the bottom of my eye as I watched him look at me, his head tilted slightly to the side.  
"I'm Conor," He smiled, extending his hand and swiftly pulling it back when I just stared at it.  
"Natalie." I returned, standing up and brushing my jeans down, "And if you know what's best for you, you'd leave me alone right now."  
"Meow," He winced, following the path I was taking, and I sighed, turning round. He didn't notice I'd stopped, and I felt his body press into mine softly, gently, like he didn't know what to do.  
"Leave. Me. Alone." I told him, but he grabbed hold of my arm.  
"Not till you tell me what's wrong." He demanded, and I gave in.  
"My brother's annoyed at me."  
"Why?" he probed.  
"Because I won't eat," I explained, watching as something I couldn't recognise flickered across his eyes, "I'm anorexic."  
"Oh," He stepped back a little, and released his grip so his hands just grazed my elbow, like he was afraid he'd break me. I thought he was about to leave, but instead he sat down on the sand and patted the space next to him.  
I carefully sat down beside him and tucked my legs up, resting my head in my arms. His arm snaked round my shoulder, and for once I felt that someone actually cared.  
"Why are you surfing in the rain anyway?" I asked, looking up to meet his steady, confident gaze.  
"It's my life," He began, looking out over the horizon, "I love it more than anything else in the world."  
"Like poetry..." I whispered, and he turned to face me again.  
"What?" He asked, a small smile threatening the corners of his mouth.  
"Even when nothing means anything, poetry makes me feel _alive. _Like, no matter how fucked up my life is, there'll always be a steady beat, you know?"  
That was when he laughed, as if there was something he'd just figured out that I didn't understand. But it wasn't patronising, it was-  
... Familiar.  
My eyes darkened, and winds swept over me, knocking me to the floor. I heard a voice calling me, distant, but it was no use.  
_I watched carefully as the Nick slowly traced down my side, hooking his fingers round the waistband of my jeans. My breathing hitched, but his deep brown eyes set into mine, reassuring me everything would be fine. My shaking hands found the buttons on his shirt, and I managed to undo every one, his warm palms pressing into and steadying mine.  
__"I love you, Nick," I whispered, sweeping my shirt off and softly touching my lips to his.  
"I love you too, Miley," He echoed, "I always have."  
"What do you mean always?" I asked, my gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips.  
Then he chuckled, a warm, melodic sound that made me want to pull him closer and make him mine._

I'd had the dreams as long as I can remember. Before that, even. My eyes would glaze over, and I'd feel myself fall to the the floor, and all the sounds round me would gently drown out.  
The dreams were always the same- except they weren't. They'd always feel, _real. _Like, it would feel like it wasn't a dream, it was a memory. But, that's stupid, right?

AN, Well, hey =]  
I don't have much to say, except sorry this is short, but yeah.  
R&R pleaseeeeee :)


	3. I need you to fix me

**I need you to fix me when I pretend I'm not broken**

"Tell me the God damn truth!" I heard Jas demand. I flicked my eyes shut again, realising they didn't know I could hear them.  
"She mumbled something, a name maybe?" This time it was Conor who spoke. I was surprised to know that he wasn't telling the truth. He was lying. _Maybe he's just a bad liar_, I told myself.  
_Or maybe_, I took in a deep breath and focused on keeping still, _I've known him for a much, much longer time than I think I have. Maybe, I know him well enough to tell when he's lying.  
That's stupid, _Ithought, _I just met him.  
_"Oh, hey, you're up." Conor glanced over at me, seeming to sense I wasn't out any more.  
"Hi..." I breathed, my throat sore and croaky. Jas coughed, and Conor stood back up, leaning away from my side and glancing to the door.  
"I think I should go." He said, and Jas smiled.  
"I think that's probably a good-"  
"Stay." I interrupted, watching Jas freeze, "I want you to stay."  
"But Nat," Jas whispered, but I carried on anyway.  
"No Jas," I told him, "He stays. You go."  
"Whatever." He sighed, "I'm leaving."  
"Thank you." I knew my words were harsh and that they hurt him, but I didn't care. I needed to speak to Conor.  
The moment the door closed and he was out of ear shot, Conor looked at me expectantly.  
"What happened. And don't tell me any bullshit." I demanded.  
"We were on the beach. You passed out. I brought you back." He said, looking at me as if he was deciding whether I was passing a test and talking as if I should know that he knew more than he was willing to say. And I did.  
"I said no bullshit, Conor." I gritted my teeth, but Conor looked as relaxed as when I first saw him.  
"Enough with the talking," He laughed, brushing over the tension in the room with a loose smile. Then he looked at me. Like, really looked at me. Like I wasn't messed up or anorexic or crazy. Like, I was special.  
His gaze flickered to my lips, then back to my eyes, before his head tilted to the left and his eyes fluttered closed. My heart skipped a beat as I pressed my body to his, sliding my hands round his warm neck and touching my lips to his, feeling a current of electricity as the dreams came rushing back. But something about the way he held me, his hand supporting my lower back gently, stopped the dreams from overpowering me.

Conor's POV

There were so many things I wanted to tell her. That I was sorry- sorry I'd let her slip through my fingers last time, and the time before, and all the times before that. I wanted to tell her I wouldn't let her go again, wouldn't let her cry or feel any pain. But I couldn't tell her any of that, so I let my tongue explore her mouth, passion flooding through my blood, hoping she'd feel something, anything. And I think she did. Somewhere, deep inside her, remembered. Everything. And that was enough right now.  
"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered, pulling back and looking at her. She sat there, shocked, but kind of happy, I guess. Well, I hope.  
"Don't be." Her voice was shaky, nervous, but before I had time to ask her if she was alright, She looped her hands round the back of my neck and kissed me again.

**AN, Okayyy, so sorry it's late, I was focusing on BBP, but yeah, it's up now.  
Oh, and this is dedicated to ****Rubberducky44, for your awesome reviews that always make me smile :)**


	4. Let me hold you

**Let me hold you through the nights where the storm silences our words**

**Conor's POV**

After a while, I felt Natalie begin to droop a little, tired. I pulled my mouth away from hers, may I add with a great deal of difficulty, and stroked her hair.  
"You need to sleep," I whispered, her eyes bloodshot but more awake than this morning.  
"I don't want you to leave..." She trailed, her voice laced with sleep.  
"I have to." I said, my voice definite but sad, "Your brother will be back any minute, and he won't be too happy to see me still here."  
"Fuck my brother," Anger flickered across her eyes, and I wondered what had gone on between them.  
"Seriously," I soothed, "I need to go."  
"Fine." She turned away from me slightly, and I sighed.  
Grabbing her hand and a pen, I scribbled my number onto her hand, "Call me if you get lonely."  
Her mouth curved upwards a little, smiling. I brought my face closer to hers, staring deep into her eyes before I kissed her softly once more.  
"Bye, Conor." She pulled away, biting her lip.  
"Bye Nat," I winked, standing up and walking out of the door.  
Immediately, I headed up the beach, watching as my feet left their imprints on the sand. After a minute, I was where I'd seen Nat. I sat down and wrapped my arms around my legs. I closed my eyes, taking in and releasing a deep breath.

_I hold you close, teaching you how to climb to the sun, using the stars as the ropes to guide us there. The heat here doesn't even begin to compare with the heat passing from your soul to mine, entangling us in a web of passion. I feel your pulse, in sync with mine, filling the space most people use for words. But we don't. We create our own music, with the sound of our gentle breathing and heart beat.  
I kiss you, a sweet, intoxicating kiss that tastes of summer and ice cream. Your mouth smiles against mine, loving it just as I am. You rarely smile. I always wished you'd smile more. I know what it feels like to be broken, I know what it feels like to hurt. But loving you, that takes all the pain away, like using salt on a cut but without a sting.  
I want you to know that I care about you, a lot. I want you to know that I'm here for you, you can tell me anything. I can rescue you from locked away in your tower, I can slay the dragons that guard you there. I can spend my life picking flowers for your hair, or sweeping Saturn's rings for diamonds. I can pull the clouds away from covering the sun with strings of floss, like balloons. I can use a bandage to fix the sadness in your eyes.  
I can make you believe._

I woke up to the sound of my phone. I blinked. The sky had turned dark, stars scattered across the horizon like a thousand fire flies. I didn't know how long I'd been asleep for, but it must have been at least a couple hours.  
"Hello?" I answered, smiling as a beautiful voice echoed through the speaker.  
"Hey," She said, "It's me."  
"Nat," I breathed, "I've missed you."  
There was a pause at the other end, filled only by the sound of her breathing.  
"Where are you?" She asked, and I looked around me.  
"The beach," I answered, pulling myself up off the sand, and beginning to walk back towards the direction I came.  
"Come over." The sound of her voice made it seem more like a demand than a question.  
"Why?" I said, worried about the way she was speaking.  
"I need you." Her voice cracked as she spoke, and then the line went dead.  
I froze. Something was wrong. I slipped my phone into my pocket, scanning the beach for the footprints I had made earlier. Finding them, I sprinted across the sand as fast as I could, my breathing forced and uneven.  
Her house came into view, and I ran straight up to her door, knocking against it a few times in rapid succession. It opened slowly, and my eyes widened.  
"What the hell do you want?" As Jas spoke, his hands clenched tightly into fists.  
Fuck.

AN, How awesome am I for getting this up so quickly?  
Very.  
But, not as awesome as you guys who review =]  
So pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee R&R, because your comments make me smile :)  
Oh, and if any one has any ideas for this story (or Business Before Pleasure, which I DESPERATELY need), tell me, because I'll listen =]  
Thank youuuuuu


	5. You were just a paper soldier

**You were just a paper soldier thrown into a man's war**

**Conor's POV**

You know that taste of blood, when you bite your lip or your tooth falls out? The cold, metallic taste that tells you something's wrong? The trail of thick, red blood oozing down the side of your mouth?

Not a great way to start a fight.

"Leave him alone Jas," I heard Nat call from behind me, "He's got nothing to do with it."  
"Trust me on this, he does. That son of a bitch _really_ Goddamn does."  
"Ha!" She let out a short, humourless cackle, "Trust you?"

This was the point in which I decided to punch the motherfucker's living daylights out.  
"And trust _me_, I think he's gonna shut up now." I joked, which made her laugh, a distant sound that reminded me of the past. Before anything else happened. Before _Jasper _got in the way.

_Flash back_

_I pick up my guitar, turning back and wiping the tear on her cheek. She looks so broken, like she was a paper soldier coming back from war. I see the wires attached to her body everywhere, and wish so much I could pull her away from them and she'd still be alright. I guess I'm like that, I like to pretend everything's fine and just run away. I don't care what they say, I can run forever, till there's nothing left to run from. Because by that point, I'll know myself, and I won't be afraid of what I will become._

_I turn back to her, using the steady beeps as a metronome as I pluck a few chords and strum, singing along gently._

"_All I know is you,  
How you feel beneath my skin,  
How you try and call my name,  
But no sound comes out._

_All I know are the beeps.  
I've heard too many-  
But not enough._

_One day, they will stop._

_We will be free again,  
Free to watch the oceans and beaches,  
Free to go where we want,  
Never chained down._

_I do not want that day to come,  
The day the beeps stop.  
But it will,  
And I will love it._

_Because you will be alive again._

_You will stop hurting,  
And maybe,  
Maybe I will too._

_But for now, we will wait.  
We will cross the skies on an aeroplane  
Ready to break at any time._

_Because when we fall,  
We will grab onto strings of stars,  
And maybe baby we will fly._

_Or maybe baby,  
We will still fall."_

She hugged her arms around herself, as if she was protecting herself from her brother.  
"Why?" I asked, keeping my distance in case she wanted space.  
"Our parents divorced when I was little. I went with my dad, he with my mother. Then his mother left him, said he was a worthless piece of shit that just tied her down. He was jealous of me, that my father still loved me. But he passed away last year, and since then we've always fought." Her eyes looked far away, like she was blanked out. But she wasn't. Because she has a focus. The rest of us are dreaming, living in the present and waiting for a future. The people who are lost are real, the ones who are broken into so many different pieces that they can never be put back together again, no matter how hard you try. They don't live in a dream, they were frozen in the past, in a nightmare. Because they've fallen and they hurt.  
The rest of us just pretend.  
"What's wrong?" I took a step closer, enveloping her in my arms, kissing the top of her head gently.  
"I remember..." She trailed, looking up.

Natalie's POV

For a moment, I saw something glint in his eyes, a flicker of understanding, before it burned into anger. Momentarily, it was masked in pain before it dissolved into apathy. Plain apathy.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about." His voice droned on casually, so painfully close to normal, and it would have been a perfect imitation to even someone close like a brother.  
But I knew he didn't have a brother. Suddenly, I knew everything about him. Because at that moment,  
I remembered.  
"Yeah, you do," I persisted, "You remember it too. You remember everything, far more than I do. You told me so yourself last time, you said you could remember further back than had a date. You know you do, Nick."  
"It's Conor now," He gulped, pain rushing through his veins.  
"But it wasn't," I cried, smiling until his mouth broke into a grin, "It didn't used to be Conor, did it?"  
"Oh, Miley," He chuckled, "What am I going to do with you?" He picked me up, swinging me around until we both collapsed laughing on the floor, still holding onto each other like it was the most important thing in the world.  
And maybe it was.

"Will you tell me about everything?" I whispered softly,  
"Later," He said, falling asleep beside me, "For now, we live in the present."

**AN, Okay, I'm sorry this is late, but I' on holiday for Christmas and I wasssss planning on uploading it before I went away, but then there was snow so we had to leave early and I hadn't quiteee finished, so sorry, but it is up before Christmas, well, depending on your time zone anyway :)  
And review and all that, yeah?**


End file.
